Start With Those You Love

Developing genuine compassion for our loved ones is the obvious and appropriate place to start uprooting anger. The impact our actions have on our close ones will generally be much greater than on others, and therefore our responsibilities toward them are greater. Yet we need to recognize that, ultimately, there are no grounds for discriminating in their favor: all beings equally deserve our compassion. Begin by showing daily compassion to those you love.

www.angrymancounseling.com

Patience Counterbalances Anger

Patience acts as a counterforce to anger. In fact, for every negative state, we can identify one which opposes it. Humility opposes pride; contentment opposes greed; perseverance opposes indolence. If we wish to overcome the unwholesome states which arise when negative thoughts and emotions are allowed to develop, cultivating virtue should not be seen as separate from restraining our response to afflictive emotion.

H.H. Dalai Lama

www.angrymancounseling.com

Mindful Compassion

Making a habit of concern for others' well-being, and spending a few minutes on waking in the morning reflecting on the value of conducting our lives in an ethically disciplined manner, is a good way to start the day no matter what our beliefs or lack of them. The same is true of taking some time at the end of each day... to review how successful in this we have been.

It is important to be mindful of ones intentions, especially if we are trying to make changes in our life.

www.angrymancounseling.com

Patience is the Antidote to Anger

The most important benefit of patience consists in the way it acts as a powerful antidote to the affliction of anger - the greatest threat to our inner peace, and therefore our happiness. The mind, or spirit, is not physical, it cannot be touched or harmed directly. Only negative thoughts and emotions can harm it. Therefore, only the corresponding positive quality can protect it.

H.H. Dalai Lama

www.angrymancounseling.com

Remember What Grandma Said

There it is again. That look of confusion and vague disbelief. It is the third time this week where I have had to talk with a client about making behavioral life changes. In each case, the target of the conversation focused on the need to reduce caffeine and alcohol consumption in an effort to better manage anger. "What does that have to do my anger," is the frequent and indignant plea.

What alcohol and caffeine have to do with uprooting anger is actually pretty clear. The greatest challenge in overcoming anger is to learn how to create a gap in ones thinking that allows us to make better choices. Before launching in to a aggressive tirade, there must be a a mental gap or pause created that allows us to make a different choice. Without the ability to mindfully challenge and change our emotional responses, the impulse to project our anger will tend to lead the way. The ability to create this gap takes time and practice to develop. Anything that closes this gap, only makes the challenge of overcoming anger more difficult.

It goes without saying that alcohol and caffeine are two substances that very effectively close the gap in our ability to make good decisions and respond effectively. Too much caffeine ramps us up, so cut back. Alcohol may mellow some and unleash demons in others. Either way, under the influence of alcohol, you are not likely top make the best decisions. As my grandmother said, "moderation in everything."

www.angrymancounseling.com